If you’re on twitter you might follow these tweeple. These are the names I made up for tweeters and these are things they are likely to tweet- in 140 characters or less of course.
1. The Disgruntled Worker
“OMG work sucked today.I mean really? Broken copy machine, spilled coffee, 5 o’clock deadline. Could my life suck any more?#wtf #imisscollege”
“My coworker just called me Jim. My name is John. #FML and this job.”
This person hates work and probably their life. I suggest that you send them a cheerful reply like “@John stick in there! It will all work out one day :)” I would not recommend retweeting anything they say especially if you work at the same company. Don’t let their dislike for the job cost you yours. It’s all fun and games until HR pops up on twitter. Yea #notagoodidea
2. The Relationship Girl
Yes I said Relationship GIRL. Guys don’t usually take to twitter to talk about the pros and cons of their relationship. They may say something every once in a while, but not like the ladies. You might catch this girl saying this:
“Awww my boyfriend @hoopdreams is so adorable. Roses, chocolate, and Avengers tonight!? #winning #luckyme”
but when things go sour she might tweet this…
“Love is for the birds. Y’all can have ALL of that. Show me someone faithful and I’ll show you a liar. #overit”
Forget wearing her heart on her sleeve. This girl wears hers on the internet. #sheshouldstop
3. The Bragger
This person has a great life. Well, actually we are not so sure, but twitter tells us so. I’m sure we can agree that we are all very happy for this person;however, their tweets are probably obnoxious. They pass the point of being proud of themselves to making everyone want to unfollow. Everything they have is the best. Their job, their vacations,their friend,their lover, their house. We get it bragger. Really, we do!
“Just landed in Bora Bora. This cabana is unreal. Unlimited drinks, unlimited money, unlimited girls! #yesplease”
“Just got back from the mall. I MAXED OUT. New shoes,watch, sunglasses. Check, check, double check! NEW EVERYTHING. YES”
These people aren’t really that bad. Annoying maybe, but they can be funny. Let’s keep them on our timelines until they get really bold and say something like “I bet you wish you had my life. #jealousyet?” Only then will we unfollow them and then sub tweet them.
4. The Over Achiever
The Over Achiever. Ugh. This person might get on my nerves the most. I blame it on being type B and a little bit too laid back. This person also should not be confused with the bragger though they may have similarities (and by similarities I mean they both might make you feel like shit). This person wants to let you know that they don’t just work, they grind. They don’t eat, they dine. They don’t just exercise, they change their whole life around. Oh, and if you’re not doing what they’re doing then you’re taking up air. Go be lazy on some other planet, because in their world moves are being made. Very. Serious. Moves.
“Woke up at 4 am this morning to exercise. Ate eggs and oatmeal. Now off to grind. Rest is for the weary and sleep is for the dead.”
5. The Partyer
I may or may not have saved the best for last. I find myself quoting and retweeting these people often. They are just so damn funny. They party all the time. So much so that they may become the bragger I talked about earlier. They can be in Ibiza, Miami, or Monowi, Nebraska. It doesn’t matter because they have a good time wherever they go. I suggest the over achievers get to know them. This is just a personal suggestion.
“What happened last night? It’s all a blur after the party bus left the strip club”
“NYC ready or not here I coooooome. #turnup”
See, they’re funny.
Y’all we also have the religious zealots, the quoters, the constant sub tweeters, the haters, and the ghosts. I’ll save that for Thursday. I hope I made you smile today.
Note: I have been one of these people. Every last one. So please don’t get your feelings hurt or ask me if I was referring to you. You know who you are. I accept you and I love you regardless.
All my love,