I said that the next post would follow on Thursday and voilà here we are. Man, time flies when you’re not at work. Here we go!
1. Casper the friendly ghost
“RT YourLastLaugh: Horror movies don’t scare me. But 5 missed calls from my mom does.”
The Ghost person is on twitter, but not really on twitter. If you, Will Farrell, or Kevin Hart say something ridiculously funny then they will RT and you will forget they were ever on twitter. However, if you reply they will not respond so don’t get your feelings hurt. These people may have been forced to get a twitter because of their job or because a friend made them, but they don’t tweet or get why you would want to know what someone else is doing. I would recommend just reaching out to these people on their birthday.
2. The Hater
“Am I in Hell or is that just the stupid sun out again?”
“C’mon Atlanta aren’t you supposed to be hot? Where is the sun!?”
You see, the Hater can not be pleased. When this person is not drinking hatorade, they are tweeting. Similar to the disgruntled worker, they too might hate life. They don’t like anything. Beyonce gets on their nerves, LeBron is garbage, summer is too hot, winter is too cold, the rain messed up their hair, the wind is blowing too hard, blah, blah, blah. While these people may stink, don’t confuse them with the more serious haters who talk poorly about other races, religions, and sexual orientations. When these people aren’t committing hate crimes, they might be tweeting.These people you might want to just unfollow because the hate they spew across the internet is just downright dirty. In fact, it’s vitriolic. I suggest you tweet “hey @hater it’s #2012” before removing them from your timeline/life. All of the haters should find the aforementioned partier or the religious zealot which brings me to the next person we can find on our timeline…
3. The Religious Tweeter
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart. Don’t rely on your own intelligence. Know him in all your paths, and he will keep your ways straight #Proverbs #GodisGREAT”
“Just left church. What an amazing start to an amazing day. #2BLESSED2bSTRESSED”
This person we really won’t talk poorly about. How can we? They retweet verses from the Bible, they tell you what the preacher talked about on Sunday, and they love twitter harmony. Just be weary of the people who tweet IN church, the ones who RT Rev Run all the time, or the ones who use the Bible to condemn all things progressive .
4. The Subtweeter
“Some ppl really need to stop going through my phone. Nosy much? Get a life. Can you say #creepy”
“I hate it when people drink all of the milk and then put the carton back in the refrigerator. #lazy #dobetter”
Oh my. Subtweeters. They, too, are funny. They are especially funny if you know who they are referring to. There is a strong correlation between the Subtweeter and the Relationship Girl. Subtweeters tend to be passive aggressive. I do find it funny though when people think you’re talking about them and you’re not. If you’re one of those people who ALWAYS thinks every tweet is about you then you are either extremely guilty or extremely vain. You may not be living right. I’m just saying a hit dog will holler.
5. The Oversharer
“Man these cramps are KILLING me. I need Midol ASAP. #girlproblems”
“Alive, but barely breathing. How could she do this to me? And just when you think you know someone…#heartbroken”
If there was a twitter etiquette class these people would be the first ones I signed up. They always are doing the most. They probably curse the 140 character word limit. I’m actually sure of it. They say too much and I feel awkward reading their tweets. I don’t feel like they are telling me about their doctor’s appointment, I feel like I am Dr. Beck-their OBGYN. I don’t feel like I’m getting a glimpse into their relationship, I feel like I personally cheated on them with their best friend from childhood. Please stop, Oversharer. Less is more. Mystery is in. This is twitter, not your diary.
Okay tweethearts. Until next time…
Next Tysomeone: Jovan Julien