Girls, you’ve dated an Avenger. Yes, You.

Captain America and The Avengers

Captain America and The Avengers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I just saw the Avenger’s movie. I think I was one of the last people who saw it so I’m assuming that you saw it and loved it too. Now is not the time to tell me what happens when you assume, I’m writing here. Now if you didn’t play the “Who’s your favorite character game” then who are you? Stop reading and play now. It’s a necessary post movie activity. While analyzing the characters and their powers I realized that  either one of my friends or I have dated one of the characters. Yep, every last one of those heroes. Let me tell you why you dated one of them and why you are either still dating them or why you broke up. Drum roll please….

The Incredible Hulk: Oooh baby. The Hulk. Smart, strong, and unassuming. How could you not fall for him. First he’s helping kids in Indonesia then he saves the world. You like him and I like him too. That is just downright hot. Oh, but wait! He’s mad all the damn time.  And BAM! That’s why you broke up. First he was annoyed that the laundry wasn’t done, then he got mad because his food was cold, and then you find out his secret. He’s always mad. Yea strong and mad aren’t good traits when they are put together. We don’t want to have Crihanna Gate on our hands. Let’s leave the Hulk alone.

Iron Man: Smart, rich, sarcastic, philanthropist, smug. I think I just went weak in the knees. You have had a crush on Iron Man before. In fact, you fell hard. He probably broke your heart and then didn’t understand why you were so in love with him. Iron Man would make you feel stupid. He might even say something like “oh, you thought we were serious?” You probably still text him though because he has something irresistible about him and that smug attitude gets you everytime. Then one day you’ll realize his heart is like his costume: cold, resistant, and protected.

Thor: Thor fits two types. He’s the cute guy with the accent or the cute guy who has undying love for his family. Everyone loves an accent. Everyone. Unless it’s really realllllly hard to understand them. Then it becomes frustrating and you can’t have a strong relationship without strong communication. Or, at least thats what the relationship gurus tell us anyway.

The family man is also quite irresistible. One day you might think “hey if he loves his family then one day he’ll love ours too.” The family man is great, unless he always puts his family over you. Like all the time. Let’s be honest if someone you dated chose his evil adopted brother over you then your feelings would be hurt and you would have a slow, long breakup because it’s damn near impossible to tell someone that they love their family too much. How do you even say that out loud without sounding callous? You don’t. Which is why you may be with him forever. Tough.

Black Widow: This person is manipulative. They make you do things you hate doing. You hate the outdoors, but you just got back from a hiking trip in Wyoming. You don’t care for scary movies, but you saw Saw II last night. You hate baseball, but you’re outside in July hot and sweaty doing the wave. Yep, the Black Widow person will leave you crosseyed and confused. They are sneaky and it’s a very slippery slope with them. Get out of their web while you still can, but you probably won’t because they are so good at convincing you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you.

Captain America: I saved the best for last. If you find him, marry him. Unless you’re under 25 then you’re just being impulsive. Calm.it.down. Captain America is great. Cute, brave, determined. I could go on and on and on.  Some people will sound like Iron Man saying that this boy doesn’t exist. Don’t believe them. They are probably dating The Black Widow so they are salty. The Captain America’s of the world do exist.

So no matter which Avenger you were with- at least you can say you dated a hero. Sort of. Congratulations ladies.

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