Hello tysomeones. I went to the optometrist yesterday to get my eyes checked. After the doctor told me she went to Ohio State (boo), that I had an astigmatism (I thought only the twins on that commercial had it ) and that lasik surgery only lasts ten years (knew there was a catch), I decided to try on a new pair of glasses. The glasses man who I shall call John was funny. Here is our conversation to the best of my memory.
John: So you’re getting glasses and contacts?
John: Which? Glasses or contacts?
John: What type of contacts do you use?
Me: Acuvue something.
John: Acuvue Oasys? (I nod) Well, I have another brand that’s really great.
Me: I think I’ll stick with Acuvue.
John: You should try them. In my opinion, they are better than Acuvue.
Me: Well they need to step their marketing game up. Never heard of it.
John: They say young people are really brand loyal.
Me: Old people too, my granny does not switch brands for anything. Anyway, I’ll keep Acuvue. This is my vision after all.
John: Okay well let’s start with the glasses.
Me: Okay. Well I have these (show him my current ones), these that need a lens (show him older ones I have), or I could get a new pair…
John: (picking up current ones) okay these are done and I can’t do anything with these.
Me: Yea they’re kind of-
John: (turning the current ones over in his hand) They’re terrible. Did you leave them out in the sun? Do you even put them in a case?
Me: Probably left them out. I could stand to take better care of my things.
John: Okay (picking up a red Tory Burch pair) what about these?
Me: No. These are too much. They are not everyday glasses.
John: Yea I agree. They are doing too much. What about these (picks up a round pair)
Me: I look like Harry Potter or a hipster trying too hard.
John: I like Harry Potter.
Me: I love Harry Potter, but I don’t want to look like him. What about these! (I grab a tortoise-shell pair off to the side)
John: Those are meat and potatoes. Very boring.
Me: They look like the ones I have now.
John: Remember what I said about those?
Me: Hey! I like those.
John: Yea, but who wants to look like their old self? And didn’t you say you were moving to New York?
Me: yes but-
John: Try these. (picks up Prada pair with a lot of character)
Me: Okay these are talking to me.
John: What are they saying?
Me: (talking fancy) Good day, I’m Robin. Nice to meet you!
John: You sound like the Queen of England.
Me: Oh, I was going for grad school Robin.
John: (blank stare) Okay try these…
Me: Ehhhh, I look like a teacher.
John: You are a teacher.
Me: Woh, you really studied that form didn’t you?
John: Or your badge says Woodward Academy.
Me: (laughing) or that. Well these make me look old.
John: How old are you?
John: Oh, you’re a baby.
Me: Thanks. What about these (grabs a tortoise-shell pair)
John: These look like old Robin again, what happened to grad school Robin?
Me: She sounded too much like the Queen. Ugh, I guess I’ll just think it over and come back
John: Well…you can do that, but they go up 10 dollars everyday you don’t choose.
Me: Oh wow! Okay well let me put them in order and see what I like.
John: Okay those look the best (points to most expensive pair)
Me: Of course they do! Well I feel silly paying 200 dollars for a new pair when I can get new lenses for 20 dollars.
John: But you’re going to New York.
Me: Exactly why I can’t spend 200 dollars on glasses.
John: I would NOT put any money towards those old lenses. They are too big and you have insurance so make it worth your while.
Me: You are a good sales person.
John: I’m being honest. Those glasses of yours are through.
John: Okay well think it over and we have you down for an appointment in a week.
Me: Is that on a Wednesday? Oh no! That was stupid. On Monday-in a week.
John: Yes teacher, that was pretty stupid. On Monday.
Me: (laughs) okay thanks. (I toss my glasses in my bag).
John: You have got to stop tossing those glasses around. They’re not scrabble pieces.
Me: Yea I should treat things nicer especially since my new ones will end up being more than 200 dollars when it’s all over.
John: Why because you want to add contacts?
Me: No because I can’t decide today and they’ll go up 10 dollars every day I don’t come back.
John: (laughs hysterically and calls his co worker over) You believed that?
Me: (laughs) oh my gosh! You were kidding?! I thought that was a bit much, but you were so convincing.
John: You really think we would mark the price up 10 dollars for everyday you didn’t decide? We can’t treat customers like that! (continues to die laughing)
Me: Well, I just thought I was getting a deal today…
John: You better not be so naïve in New York.
Me: So I’ve heard.