Seeing, not so clearly


eyeglasses (Photo credit: Muffet)

Hello tysomeones. I went to the optometrist yesterday to get my eyes checked. After the doctor told me she went to Ohio State (boo), that I had an astigmatism (I thought only the twins on that commercial had it ) and that lasik surgery only lasts ten years (knew there was a catch), I decided to try on a new pair of glasses. The glasses man who I shall call John was funny. Here is our conversation to the best of my memory.

John: So you’re getting glasses and contacts?

Me: Yes.

John: Which? Glasses or contacts?

Me: Both.

John:  What type of contacts do you use?

Me: Acuvue something.

John: Acuvue Oasys? (I nod) Well, I have another brand that’s really great.

Me: I think I’ll stick with Acuvue.

John: You should try them. In my opinion, they are better than Acuvue.

Me: Well they need to step their marketing game up. Never heard of it.

John: They say young people are really brand loyal.

Me: Old people too, my granny does not switch brands for anything. Anyway, I’ll keep Acuvue. This is my vision after all.

John: Okay well let’s start with the glasses.

Me: Okay. Well I have these (show him my current ones), these that need a lens (show him older ones I have), or I could get a new pair…

John: (picking up current ones) okay these are done and I can’t do anything with these.

Me: Yea they’re kind of-

John: (turning the current ones over in his hand) They’re terrible. Did you leave them out in the sun? Do you even put them in a case?

Me: Probably left them out. I could stand to take better care of my things.

John: Okay (picking up a red Tory Burch pair) what about these?

Me: No. These are too much. They are not everyday glasses.

John: Yea I agree. They are doing too much. What about these (picks up a round pair)

Me: I look like Harry Potter or a hipster trying too hard.

John: I like Harry Potter.

Me: I love Harry Potter, but I don’t want to look like him. What about these! (I grab a tortoise-shell pair off to the side)

John: Those are meat and potatoes. Very boring.

Me: They look like the ones I have now.

John: Remember what I said about those?

Me: Hey!  I like those.

John: Yea, but who wants to look like their old self? And didn’t you say you were moving to New York?

Me: yes but-

John: Try these. (picks up Prada pair with a lot of character)

Me: Okay these are talking to me.

John: What are they saying?

Me: (talking fancy) Good day, I’m Robin. Nice to meet you!

John: You sound like the Queen of England.

Me: Oh, I was going for grad school Robin.

John: (blank stare) Okay try these…

Me: Ehhhh, I look like a teacher.

John: You are a teacher.

Me: Woh, you really studied that form didn’t you?

John: Or your badge says Woodward Academy.

Me: (laughing) or that. Well these make me look old.

John: How old are you?

Me: 23

John: Oh, you’re a baby.

Me: Thanks. What about these (grabs a tortoise-shell pair)

John: These look like old Robin again, what happened to grad school Robin?

Me: She sounded too much like the Queen. Ugh, I guess I’ll just think it over and come back

John: Well…you can do that, but they go up 10 dollars everyday you don’t choose.

Me: Oh wow! Okay well let me put them in order and see what I like.

John: Okay those look the best (points to most expensive pair)

Me: Of course they do! Well I feel silly paying 200 dollars for a new pair when I can get new lenses for 20 dollars.

John: But you’re going to New York.

Me: Exactly why I can’t spend 200 dollars on glasses.

John: I would NOT put any money towards those old lenses. They are too big and you have insurance so make it worth your while.

Me: You are a good sales person.

John: I’m being honest. Those glasses of yours are through.

John: Okay well think it over and we have you down for an appointment in a week.

Me: Is that on a Wednesday? Oh no! That was stupid. On Monday-in a week.

John: Yes teacher, that was pretty stupid. On Monday.

Me: (laughs) okay thanks. (I toss my glasses in my bag).

John: You have got to stop tossing those glasses around. They’re not scrabble pieces.

Me: Yea I should treat things nicer especially since my new ones will end up being more than 200 dollars when it’s all over.

John: Why because you want to add contacts?

Me: No because I can’t decide today and they’ll go up 10 dollars every day I don’t come back.

John: (laughs hysterically and calls his co worker over) You believed that?

Me: (laughs) oh my gosh! You were kidding?! I thought that was a bit much, but you were so convincing.

John: You really think we would mark the price up 10 dollars for everyday you didn’t decide? We can’t treat customers like that! (continues to die laughing)

Me: Well, I just thought I was getting a deal today…

John:  You better not be so naïve in New York.

Me: So I’ve heard.

One thought on “Seeing, not so clearly

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