Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of the first text message. I am a day late so happy belated anniversary you inanimate text message you! I had no idea texting has been here for twenty years. You mean I was 4 when texting was out? WTH. Anyway, here are the kinds of texters out there.
1. Total Texter-The total texter only communicates via text. They don’t email, call, tweet, Skype, or send mail. If you want to reach them then you have to become a total texter too. Don’t try calling, they won’t pick up. They had the sidekick at one point because they loved the keyboard and they are now huge fans of predictive text.
2. The “Just Text Me” Texter-This person is different than the Total Texter. They will pick up the phone, but they’d rather not. In fact, they pick up the phone solely to remind you how much they hate talking on the phone. Their favorite line is, “just text me”. My sister fits into this category. I could call her and say, “My house in on fire!” and she’d say, “Wow, but can you just text me about it?”
3. The Terse Texter-This person you should just stop texting because they only reply with one word. Sometimes it’s not even a word. It’s usually “k” or “cool” or something frustrating like that. Or they might just say “lol” when nothing is funny so you get the point that they don’t really like texting all that much.
4. The Disappearing Texter-This person texts, texts, texts, then POOF they’re gone. This might have more to do with the type of conversation you’re having or maybe the time at which they are texting, but it’s strange and they never say ‘brb’ or tell you where they went. They don’t turn into the terse texter because they just vanish altogether. You wonder if their battery died or if they hopped on a plane suddenly or if you texted something offensive.
5. The Sexter-This person can be anyone, but I bet if there was data then we’d see spikes in men who cheat on their wives, naïve teenage girls who think their boyfriends love them, and people in long distance relationships. This is fine if it floats your boat. Hey, it’s a free country. Just don’t be surprised when your scorned lover releases the things you said and then later texts “SRY I’m not SRY”
6. The Emoticon Texter- This person only uses emoticons when they text. Everything is accompanied by a smiley. Your dog died? 😦 You got a job? 🙂 You feel sick? They think pictures and smiley faces rule the world.
7. The Drunk Texter-You would respond properly to this person if you could only figure out what they were trying to say. “What bar are you at? Munfhsga? I DON’T KNOW WHERE THAT IS.” If you actually do know what they mean then this means you’ve been this person before. You would respond something like, ” Ohhh you mean Moondogs! Be there in 5.” Note: don’t confuse this person with the sexter though they may morph into the same person after 3 am. They usually text you again in the morning and apologize. Just respond with “nbd. It happens.”
8. The Group Texter-This person freaked when they heard of group text. You mean I can have one conversation with all my favorite people. YES! They loved three way phone calls in middle school, but have now graduated to group text.
9. The Proper Communicator-This person has communication down to a science. They use all communication platforms for the way they were intended. They call during emergencies, they email when it’s something work related, they send a card for your birthday, they send emoticons when the tone is unclear, and they only text reminders and short sentences.
A list of nine seems weird. Nine is not a nice, round number like ten, but I want YOU to finish the list. Go ahead! Respond by telling me the tenth type of texter. There are all kinds out there. I hope this was fun for you to read, but just remember-it’s never cool to be the Driving Texter. Be safe. Stay kind.