1. Thanks for applying! Oh no. If you see these three words then you did not get whatever you applied for. If you had the email would have started with Congratulations! Instead, “Thanks for applying” is usually followed with, “This year we had an overwhelming number of applicants who were all outstanding.” The email will be about three paragraphs long basically telling you that you were outstanding, but not that outstanding. As a twenty something you might get annoyed and think, “WAIT!? There is someone MORE outstanding than I!?” The answer is yes. Tons of people. People like that kid who invented an app and became a millionaire. I know. I know. I had the same idea too, he just beat me to it. Anyway, to cope I suggest you delete the email, try harder next time, and then watch Teen Mom or some show where everyone is basically like WTF.
2. Your most recent savings account statement is available to view online. I don’t know if your bank sends you these emails, but they kind of suck. Well they only suck if your bank account sucks. But mine does most of the time so NO BANK OF AMERICA I’M NOT READY TO VIEW MY STATEMENT UNLESS SOME FAIRY GODMOTHER OF MINE DEPOSITED MONEY IT IT. Oh wait, there’s no such thing as a fairy Godmother? Brandy and Whitney made that up?
3. Hello. Please see me in my office. Now I’m all about human interaction, but why must I see you in your office? Can’t you just tell me what’s going on via email? This is something no one wants to see because it’s so unclear. Am I getting a raise or did you catch me eating other people’s food in the break room? The ambiguity causes stress. I wish bosses would use emoticons so we could know what we’re walking in to. Like “please see me in my office 🙂 ” or “Please see me in my office 😦 ” Then we would at least be prepared to either play it cool or apologize profusely.
Now I didn’t include allllll the worst things to see. After all, one time I was told a kitten would die if I didn’t forward the message to 8 friends. Now, I think cats are slimy and creepy, but I still forwarded it. I am a lot of things, but a kitten killer is just not one. If you have any annoying email stories weigh in. I would love to hear them!