Doctors can’t write about patients, but I can write about them
Me: I came to get penicillin because I have strep
Doctor: So you have a sore throat
Me: No, I have strep
Doctor: Okay well I can do a strep test
Me: I know I have it because I always get it. I wanted my physician to prescribe me some, but she said she can’t prescribe medicine in New York. I mean who makes these rules? A doctor is a doctor. I actually think my tonsils should be removed.
Doctor: (ignoring my first question) That is a very painful procedure. Quick, but painful. Do you get strep 7 times a year or more?
Me: Well no, but a lot. How painful?
Doctor: I don’t recommend it unless you get strep 7 times a year.
Me: Okay strep being 1 and tongue surgery being 10. How painful?
Me: I know how both feel. I’m just asking because strep is miserable so if getting my tonsils out feels like this then I think I can do it. Means to an end.
Doctor: Let’s see here. You don’t have strep.
Me: Are you sure? I mean I believe you. It’s just I have the symptoms, and I’ve had it before, and I start this job tomorrow, and I…I really can’t be sick. And it’s summer and all.
Doctor: I know. I know. You may have it. Sometimes when we send it off it comes back positive even if the throat swab was negative.
Me: So this throat test isn’t totally accurate
Doctor: Not all the time. But your throat looks bad. Could be strep or pharyngitis.
Me: So I can get the penicillin?
Doctor: No I’m going to give you amoxicillin
Doctor: Yes its a cousin to penicillin
Me: Okay, but I can’t get the penicillin? That’s just what I’m used to…
Doctor: We prescribe amoxicillin. It works better with the patients we’ve found
Me: So penicillin is used for…
Me: Great so I’ve been taking STD medicine all these years?
Doctor: No you’ve been fighting bacteria all these years. They’re just cousins
Doctor: Okay well you’re all set. It’ll be ready in about ten minutes. If you don’t feel better come back.
Me: But I should feel better?
Doctor: Yes you should. Take it easy. Drink lots of fluids. Rest. Take your medicine. Good luck on your job tomorrow.
Me: It’s really an internship, but thanks! I don’t want to be known as the sick girl all summer. How do you get strep? Just so I can stop doing whatever I’m doing. And it’s funny because I never drink after people. My friends make so much fun of me for it. Then this happens. Hide ya kids hide ya wife!
Me: Oh it’s an internet joke about no one being safe. Antoine Dodson started it.
Doctor: Oh okay. Sometimes we just get sick. Could you wash your hands more? Maybe. Not touch the subway poles? Maybe. But it’s highly contagious. Sometimes we just catch it.
Me: Yea the kids I babysit for get it like every other week. I’m not kidding. And they always hold my hand.
Doctor: Yea that could do it. But what are you going to do? Never hold hands with anyone?
Me: You’re right. A little strep won’t stop me.
Doctor: Good. Take it easy.
Me: Okay. But my throat is on fire. I’ll be okay in a day?
Doctor: Just take all of the pills even if you feel better. Come back if you need anything.
Me: Thanks. You’re amazing.
Come back tomorrow for my friends’ reactions