Not So Sweet Dreams

File this post under first world problems.

After looking up couches on Craigslist for days I found the perfect one 10 blocks away for $150. My roommate, Jordan, liked it too. It looked perfect on the picture. White, crisp and it had a chaise lounge! Lindsay said I could pick it up on the 30th. I said the 31st. She said okay at 5. I said 7. She said deal.

Tuesday, July 30th: Woke up at 6, got to work at 7, wished my mom happy birthday often, left work at midnight, waited for subway that never came, took taxi to Times Square,waited for subway, went to the newspaper stand…twice, packed more, fell asleep

Wednesday, July 31st: Woke up at 7, got to work at 8, presented to clients at 11, worked an event until 6, packed until 7, then the movers came. I’ll start my story here.

Mover:  (Walking through my closet. I mean apartment.) Oh this isn’t too bad

Me: I don’t know how ya’ll are carrying all this

Mover: It’s not too bad. We can pick up just about anything

Me: Cool. Oh and if you’re looking for a chest/ armoire/ cabinet thing that one is all yours (points to corner). It’s my roommate’s, but we need to get rid of it

Mover: Word? That’s niceeeeee. Hell yea. Oh, my bad.  Yea that’s nice. I’ll load everything up and if it fits in the truck I’ll take it

(Three hours and 180 dollars/hr later they arrive to our new place. I take the subway, but arrive at the same time. It’s 10 oclock. Lindsay has eaten dinner and is waiting at her apartment. I feel terrible.)

Me: Okay Jordan, I’m going to run to Lindsay’s and pay her so she knows I’m real

Lindsay: If it’s okay I’m going to leave you here with the couch and turn in my keys. Just close the door behind you

Me: Thanks so much! Thanks for waiting. I’m really sorry about this whole thing-making you wait and all

Lindsay: I know how moving goes. Don’t worry. But the movers will come right? I hate to leave you, but..

Me: Oh please, go go! They will be here after they move my stuff. I just live down the street

(Phone rings)

Mover: Robin, I’m sorry. I tried everything, but we can’t get your box spring into the apartment. It won’t go up the stairs. What do you want me to do?


Mover: Robin?

Me: I guess I don’t have a choice. Put it on the street

Mover: I’m really sorry

Me: It’s okay, you tried

(Twenty minutes go by. Text comes in)

Jordan: Robin, you didn’t tell them about the couch

Me: And? Tell them to come get it. What’s the problem?

Jordan: They said they can’t

Me: (NYC Robin gets on the phone) Let me speak to the mover

Mover: Sorry, my boss said we can’t

Me: Can I talk to your boss?

Jordan: Robin, they can’t get it. He didn’t want to call his boss, but I did and the boss said no because we didn’t tell them before hand.

Me: It’s not a favor,  I’m paying them. If I don’t get it now then I’ll have to pay 180 dollars more to get new movers. THAT’S MORE THAN THE COUCH. It’s ten blocks away…and it’s paid for! And I have six people coming in town Friday. And now Lindsay is going to kill me because her stuff isn’t out of her apartment and her lease is up and I said ‘go! go! They’re coming!’ and now they’re not. Shit. Can you call somebody else? This is NYC. Somebody can move it. My phone is dying.

Jordan: We can pick up a U-Haul on West 42nd

Me: But we still need someone to move it

Jordan: Can you call your friends to help?

Me: At midnight?

(I make it home)

Me: All I want to do is sleep, but I have half a bed. And no couch.

Jordan: You can sleep with me if you want

Me:  Why couldn’t they get that couch? They said they charge by the hour, they didn’t say there was a limit.

Jordan: I know

Me: And they better not have gotten your  chest/ armoire/ cabinet thing.

Jordan: Yea they better not have gone back for that

Me: Well, the couch would’ve looked ugly anyway I bet

Jordan: Yea, way too white

Me: Yea, and it wouldn’t have fit

Jordan: Definitely wouldn’t have fit

Me: I mean that chaise lounge was stupid

Jordan: Dumb

(Three days go by and I find a similar couch from John)

Me: How does 150 sound for the couch?

John: Sounds like no

Me: Fine, the price stays. Where are you located?

John: On 35th

Me: Me too! I’ll get it TODAY. I’ll get it NOW

John: Wow. Okay see you now

(I recruit my friends Nona and D.J. When I say recruit I mean tricked them into coming over and then told them my plan)

Nona: So how exactly are we going to make this work? We’re going to carry a couch down the street?

Me: Exactly

Nona: I should’ve worn something else

DJ: We can do it. It’s close

(We carry the couch down the  steps, down the street, up the stairs and… it won’t fit in the apartment)

Me: This is what happened with my bed. We ARE getting this in the apartment

DJ: Let’s break it and put it back together

Nona: I’m not going to Yoga today

(Two hours later the couch is in)

Me: See how God worked that out. One thing failed, something better came

DJ:  I guess Robin. You still need a bed. That should have been your first priority

Me: My priorities are couch, phone, box spring

DJ: A phone isn’t that big of a deal. You can talk on it

Me: But I don’t have a camera and my birthday party is this weekend

Nona: Yea, that is a priority

DJ: But your bed?

Me: Yea, what are y’all doing tomorrow?

(I hear stuttering and busy schedules and phrases like if you really really need me I’m here)

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted because I’ve been moving. If you have ever moved, I’m sorry. If you’ve ever moved in New York City, I’m really sorry. If you’ve ever moved in New York City on a budget, I’ll provide the beer if you bring the Kleenex.  I live on 35th street. It’s a brown building with small doors and a box spring outside. You can’t miss it.

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