Subways, Sweets and Sweaters.

Subway-1, Robin-0

Subway-1, Robin-0. This is what I was going to call my story today. I had written it over a year ago (under a different title) and submitted it to The New York Times. It didn’t get published. It almost did though-and that was good enough. I was leaving the movies with a friend when I got an email from an editor saying his team was considering my work. I flipped out. “Okay, quick. How do I respond? Should I say something funny like ‘Wow, you sure know how to make a Georgia girl sweat even more in the summer!” “No,” he replied. “That’s not really funny and I think you should be professional.” “Okay. You’re right. So something like ‘Thanks for the consideration. I look forward to hearing from you!'” “Yea, that’s better.”

That’s what I sent and I never heard back. I knew I should have gone for funny. I bet they see ‘thanks for the consideration’ a million times a day, but how many Georgia girls sweat after hearing from them? Anyway, here I was rewriting it for my most loyal readers (you). I was looking on Google for a picture to go with this post and I found one. Only it was perfect. I mean I was just looking for a Tetris game, but this picture was a group of Tetris pieces on a subway. It’s like it was made to go with my make-believe game. Aha! That’s why it didn’t get published. Someone thought of this game before I did. Just like my apartment app. It had been done before. I clicked on the image and it took me to The New York Times.

Turns out “thanks for the consideration” worked just fine.

Read the post here!

Warning: Dark Chocolate May Bring Dark Dreams

I have remembered my dreams ever since I could remember. I can’t tell if that sentence was repetitive or odd or confusing, but you know what I mean. My friends listen patiently, my family (see: Kim) thinks I make them up and my boss always says, “Interesting.” I think my guy friends used to get excited when I’d say they were in my dream, but now they know they may have been chased by a unicorn, they may have swam to Turkey on a Tiger or they may have fallen from a cliff while chasing guinea pigs. They learned that whatever they were thinking, I probably wasn’t thinking the same thing. With my history of sharing dreams, I wasn’t surprised when my friend reached out about hers. I would never call a dream fake or crazy or irrational. I was ready to listen:

Robin, I keep having these dreams where I am with a group of people- no one specifically- and we somehow kill someone and it’s usually by accident, and it’s not a big deal in my dream. Can you tell me what this means?

I couldn’t. Wow, that’s very interesting. I sounded like my boss. I’ll want to consult my dream book. I have four of these. I think it was a polite way for my friends to say, “Here’s a gift. Stop telling us about your dreams.” 

Okay, do you think it could be that I am eating dark chocolate before bed?
Some people will make you answer. I think something bigger. Do you know the person being killed?
No and I have had this type of dream twice now. They are different people and scenarios each time.
Very interesting, maybe my dream book has something. I will look.
Okay, but just to be safe no chocolate for me tonight!
Yea, just until we determine the impetus of the dream. 
Four days pass
I think I know what the dream is about. I  think you may be killing something in them that you don’t like in yourself, but the apathy means you don’t want to confront it. 
Oh yea! So I haven’t eaten chocolate before bed since our chat-
Great dreams so far! We were at a party the first night, but I didn’t kill anyone and I forgot my dreams from last night, but they were good.
Mystery solved 
What’s Eating Me-and My Sweaters?  
Whats up granny?
Hey Robin, I’m cooking a roast and some kale with my collard greens and macaroni too. So I don’t starve. What are you doing?
About to meet Sherry at a coffee shop. 
You know Sherry who stayed with you when we came down for Mardi Gras…
I know who Sherry is! She brought those tennis shoes down here. I never knew anybody to work out during Mardi Gras.
Do mothballs work?
What now?
You know moths?
I don’t know what that is.
Granny, moths. Mothballs.
Oh moths! I didn’t know what you were saying. What now?
I just tried on this black sweater and it has holes all over it.
Is the sweater made like that?
No, that’s what I’m saying. I think moths got into it. 
Lawd have mercy. How big are the holes?
Like little circles all over.
Do y’all have roaches?
Oh my gosh! I don’t know! 
Do you know what a roach looks like?
Yes I know what a roach looks like.  
Have you seen any?
No, but we did see a roach centipede looking thing once.
Centipedes have so many legs.
I know. 
Pull out your other sweaters and see if there are holes.
Now I’m scared.
Because you said there might be roaches in there. 
Well look so you can take the other ones out.
[I walk into my room and pull out my sweater box]
I don’t see any.
Have you seen any roaches in your drawers?
We don’t have roaches!
I’m just asking. See y’all talked about me when I had those termites, but New York has more problems than I do.
But you had a whole house full though.
Lawd have mercy. That cost me so much and I still have the stub just in case they come back. That man told me I was guaranteed so I keep that stub in my top drawer right where I can find it.
You were up all night
I sure was. We used up all Deborah’s spray. Poor Deb didn’t have any spray left. And here you come packing up your stuff and sleeping with me in the back.
I wasn’t about to sleep with termites.  
Well now you have mice, bed bugs, what else?
I didn’t end up having bed bugs. I just thought I did. Remember you showed me how to look for them?
Yea and you tried to say I had them!
I didn’t say you had them, I just saw the bites while I was at your house. 
I don’t have bed bugs.
I know you don’t.
See New York isn’t really a place to live. Only movie stars stay in New York and people who fly in from Paris and Canada and wherever you know? It might be time for you come on back to the south.

One thought on “Subways, Sweets and Sweaters.

  1. Victoria, Victoria! You can’t do anything but smile and say I’m glad I have those genes so I can be as wise as she is when I am 98! Gotta love her!

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